life.

I've been thinking a lot about life lately.

Like what we're supposed to do here. How we're supposed to figure out our calling. How we're supposed to be God's hands and feet.

The more I think about it, the more I feel like our society's got things wrong.

I was at Barnes & Noble today, and I noticed this magnet that said "Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." At first I didn't think much of it, but before I walked by, I read it again and it hit me. Really? Life is about creating ourselves? 

It seems a rather grim and trivial purpose: to create yourself.

This idea kind of reminds me of a recent message I heard from a speaker. During his sermon, this individual repeated over and over: "Make your name great." And like the magnet's little quote, I didn't think much of it until he said it for about the seventeenth time. And again, it hit me. Really? Life is about making our name great?

I know there's that whole "To each his own" philosophy. But honestly, I don't believe it - at least, not for this scenario. We do not exist to make our name great nor to create ourselves.

I'm just eighteen, and I'll admit, I'm not anywhere near figuring out what this life is about. But what I have figured out so far is that we are called to love God and to love his people. And I feel that in our society, we have lost sight of that primary calling. Few people sit down after their high school graduation, ready to consider their next step in life, and think, "Hm. What should I do now? How can I serve God and serve people with my life?"

That's not to say that no one does that, but I think, on the whole, few people do. Parents, teachers, and school administrators all encourage us to move on to higher learning, to gain wealth, to achieve success, and to become famous - because then we'll be happy, right? We seek to acquire material possessions rather than taking into consideration the greater reward that may come from "storing our treasures in heaven" rather than on earth. We put "making a name for ourselves" in front of bringing glory to God (because, let's be honest, loving God and loving people doesn't exactly rake in the money).

Lately, we've been reading essays written by famous authors in my English class. One in particular, by Annie Dillard, struck me. It's called "Living Like Weasels". The premise is a little odd: the author describes and recalls an observation of a weasel. But what she gleans from this rather silly, little animal is quite profound.

Yes, these creatures are long and skinny, but they are fierce. She mentions one instance in which a hunter shot an eagle, and found the skull of a weasel attached to its neck. The image is a little grotesque, but when you think about how it got there, more meaning develops: while being attacked by the eagle, the weasel most likely bit the eagle's jugular in an effort to fight him off. And despite the fact that the weasel was considerably smaller and bound to lose the fight, it held on. Tightly. It never let go. It died there. On the eagle's neck. Crazy, right? 

In abandoning life itself, Dillard seems to admire the weasel's carelessness. This living out of instinct. This living in the moment. This living for survival. This "choosing the given with a fierce and pointed will" (or as I like to think of it, embracing what you're handed as if you have chosen it).

In the end, Dillard uses the weasel analogy to hammer home her conviction that in life, "the thing is to stalk your calling in a certain skilled and supple way, to locate the most tender and live spot and plug into that pulse." We should abandon excess and seek after life itself. The very heart of it.

As I read the essay, I fell more and more in love with the idea of living simply and intentionally. I've never been one who's yearned for a life of luxury. To be completely honest, I'm a little tired of suburbia, of a life in comfort. Don't get me wrong: I appreciate it. I thank God every day for it. But part of me feels that there's an aspect of life that gets lost as you live knowing when your next meal will be. There's not a whole lot of wholly relying on God that goes on there. 

In this last year, I've realized that I want to live life on the edge. I know people say that all the time, but I really do. I don't want to have a high-paying job. I don't want to be successful. I want to be forced to trust in God's provision. To be in situations where all I can do is rely on God. It's a little scary saying that. But I think it's what I might need if I'm ever going to come close to catching even the slightest glimpse of who God really is.

I want to live like a weasel. With purpose and with passion. With less "premeditated" decisions and with more reckless abandon. With a "fierce and pointed will". Seeking life, life to the fullest. Seeking God, the real God. Loving others. Loving God. And most of all, working to make his name great - not mine.